Where to start...
I guess I should explain the title and why I writing this blog. Here it goes. I'm kinda wordy, so bear with me.
I like to take very late night walks around my neighborhood. I have always been prone to doing this; I love the night air and the silence night brings. Its peaceful, I'm alone with my thoughts, and if I allow Him, alone with God.
I've been estranged from God for quite a while. A little over three years or so. I asked God to show me something, I didn't like it (nor did I handle it well), I couldn't live with so I left Him.
There were many attempts for us to reunite; I just wouldn't allow it. He'd pick the place, I'd call and tell Him I would be 15 minutes late, then I wouldn't show at all. We played this game for quite a while. I kept running, he kept pursing.
I felt I had gotten far enough away from Him, until one night, a few months ago, I woke up crying. Now, this had become pretty common for me; I would cry myself to sleep at night thinking about my mother and whether or not I would have much time left with her. I'd eventually get up, grab a cig, take some benedryl and go back to bed.
This time was different.
I woke up crying with this feeling that God was after me. Not in a bad way, like He would hurt me, but that He had caught up with me after all these years of running from Him. It was time for me to come home and He would not leave me until I did. I tried to go back to sleep, tried my cig and benedryl combo but it didn't work. So I did something weird. I wrote this pastor at this church that I had visited early in the year that I really liked and poured my heart out at 3am.
I couldn't believe I was pouring my heart out to this women that I had only met through random hugs and prayers at church. I mean, I hadn't gone to this church in several months, and here I am bearing my soul to this stranger. Only I felt I could trust her. When I was done, I was mortified and embarrassed. I prayed I wouldn't hear anything back from this women; that her mailbox would be too full of emails from other members of the church that she wouldn't see mine.
Strangely enough, I felt better and was able to sleep after writing that email. Even stranger than that: she wrote me back. And she didn't think I was nuts (or at least she didn't say it).
So here I am. My walk with God is...well...I'm getting there. It may take me a while to get back to where I was three years ago, but it's getting there.
And that is what this blog is about.
I'm going to write about my walk with God, crooked as it may be at times and other things I experience. I'll try to post everyday and I'll try to be as real as possible, no holding back.
Well, I'm going to bed. My laundry's almost done and I need to actually try to fall asleep before 2am.
Good night.
:)
